Silent Night
by EaglesSpirit
Summary: Hiei visits his mother's grave one snowy, wintry Christmas night expecting to remember his mother but receives something else instead. oneshot


AN: Finally! The oneshot I have been working on for what seems like forever...anyways, I really like this one for some strange reason. It is angsty and I wrote it mostly based on some awesome mental images of mine. So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

* * *

Silent Night**

The night was perfectly quiet and still.

Silent.

Just the way he liked it.

Feet walked silently along the barren frozen land, white snow crunching lightly under the person's feet. The sky was an inky black with stars overhead peering down like thousands of twinkling eyes. A bone-chilling wind whispered through the person's bushy black hair, his cloak swept against his ankles and the single tear gem he wore around his neck waved about in the air as well. Snow blew all around him in its quest to move itself from one snowdrift to the other. Not a single living, breathing being stirred on that Christmas night except for him.

_Silent night._

Darkness. Darkness was like the cold as it was emotionless, dark and eventually overcame a person's heart and soul if it wasn't fought against. How white snow could be associated with the cold was wrong to him. White was pure, good and gentle and nothing like darkness and death.

Which was probably why all of Ningenkai and Reikai were celebrating Christmas day. Only certain people like himself knew of the wind's bite when it blew through clothing and seeped into the very depths of the body. Hiei liked Christmas, but it never felt right to him. He preferred to spend this Christmas where he should.

_Holy night._

He walked across the frozen plain of his homeland, his eyes closed in concentration as he used his senses to locate his destination. He felt the jagged ice-crusted mountain ledges in his path and walked easily between them never stopping.

His destination drew close and, opening his eyes, he saw the iced gravestones with markings carved into them and spotted the one he wanted. His pace quickened as the wind around him did the same trying to pierce Hiei's heart with its icy fingers attempting to keep him from continuing on. But Hiei wouldn't allow it. He knelt softly in the snow in front of the smallest gravestone in the cemetery revering the person who lay there under the ice. The person who, next to Yukina, meant the world to him.

His mother Hina.

Hiei lowered his head in reverence for the person he never knew save for the short period of time he was with her before the elders forced Rui to throw him off the island. Mysteriously, the wind followed Hiei's actions and stopped its howling, mournful song to allow a moment of peace and solitude to the black cloaked figure. Slowly, Hiei sat down dropping his sword by his side.

_All is calm_

Hiei's hand reached up to his shirt and pulled out his tear gem that Yukina had given him so long ago and carefully held it up in front of him and stared at it intently as if trying to find an answer to a problem hidden inside. Dark clouds hanging in the black abyss above parted for a moment letting the moon's white rays shine down on the back of black-cloaked figure revealing a few snowflakes that danced softly in the light. The light pierced the middle of the tear gem causing it to twinkle and illuminate the gravestone.

_All is bright_

Hiei stood up and looked around thankful for the moonlight that bathed him and the still air in which he could hear himself think. Hesitantly, he rested his hands on the face of the gravestone and let the heat from his hands warm it, melting the ice off.

"That's better, mother. You don't deserve to be frozen over."

The melted ice revealed markings carved into the stone that made Hiei's blood boil when he read them:

_Hina. Mother of forbidden children. Committed suicide._

Hiei shook his head at the ways of the Koorime. The wintry atmosphere they resided in was fitting for their hearts. Cold and unfeeling. How things would be so much different if he hadn't been thrown off. Hiei would have been able to see a mother's smile, feel a mother's love and have open mother's arms to run to when he was upset. He wouldn't have ended up the murdering thief he was.

And after all, what was wrong with falling in love? Hiei had and so had his sister. He saw Yukina after she had had her first child. She was so happy holding a child in her arms and comforting it when it became upset.

_Round yon virgin, mother and child_

"I'm sorry, mother," Hiei whispered his hot breaths coming out in white puffs. "I'm sorry that you had to suffer what you did, I'm sorry I couldn't have done better for you. I'm sorry that I can't tell Yukina who I am."

Hiei paused and looked at the twinkling stars above him and continued. "I know that I don't remember hardly a thing about you but somehow I feel I need to be here. All I've wanted is a mother's love and I guess this is the closest thing to it I can get.

"Anyway, I guess I should thank you. Thank you for giving me life and my sister." Hiei smiled at the thought of his sister so precious to him. She was more precious to him than anyone in the world.

Hiei continued to stare at the gravestone wishing that his mother were alive.

Then, quietly and elusively, a draft of warm air circled Hiei's body wrapping him in a blanket of comfort. Then, as if the air was alive, a gentle voice spoke to Hiei's heart.

_You're welcome, Hiei. It doesn't matter what you've done, you'll always be mine and Yukina will always be your sister and you her brother._

Hiei snapped his head up wondering if it were his imagination or if it really was his mother's voice. Looking around him warily, he asked, "Mother?"

_Shhhhh... be silent my son._

"How can you call me you son?" Hiei asked angrily. "I'm a murderer and the son that drove you to die! I'm useless and I've been this way since birth!"

_Holy infant so tender and mild_

_You weren't like that from the beginning Hiei. Thieves raised you, I don't blame you for doing what you did because you were angry. Don't ever degrade yourself for my actions. There are people who love you including Yukina._

Hiei sat still at a loss for words for the first time in his life as the words were harshly but lovingly spoken to his heart with his mother's voice. Even after all the years since the fateful day when Hiei was cast off, a mother's love was what he had wished for and what he had needed. He found it ironic how a person of ice could melt a heart of fire.

"I wish you were here. I wish you could see. I wish you could see Yukina. She and Kuwabara have three kids now and, much as I hate to admit it, I do care for them." Hiei smiled slightly as he continued. "I'm still training here and am on active border patrol. It isn't bad now, I feel useful."

_And rightfully so. You're my son._

"Christmas. I understand why ningens celebrate it but I can't bring myself to do so. I wonder... did you ever know about this ningen holiday?"

_No, though I wish I had. Why can't you celebrate?_

Hiei turned his away and gazed up at the stars and the moonlight shining on the untainted white snow. He was just one person who spent his life ruining people's joy and happiness So beautiful... so clean... so pure.

Unlike him.

December and Christmas certainly went hand in hand for most but not him.

He couldn't celebrate anything. Winter was fitting for him, but not the celebration. He had an ice-covered heart. Never in his life had he felt compassion or shown mercy for anyone save his sister. His ways made him a loner, a wanderer. He had no home and the only place he felt that he fit was in the cold, dark, forgotten spaces no one knew of.

"I regret so much... how I've made people miserable... my ways now are punishment for my deeds. I have no home and no one to go to."

_Shhhhhhh... go to sleep... feel peace..._

"Sleep... peaceful sleep... that's foreign to me. I've never been at peace before." Hiei spoke with an air of wanting, wishing that he had been a normal child. Shivering to himself, he pulled his familiar cloak tighter around his frame.

Warm air surrounded him once more chasing away the chill from his bones.

_Let go. Start over._

Hiei shook his head to himself knowing that letting go wasn't nearly as easy as it sounded. So many events from his past hindered his present and future. He was a tainted soul.

But something had made him want to celebrate Christmas in any possible way he could. He loved his mother. And he loved his sister.

He had hope.

He had a desire to be happy.

And these thoughts caused a light to come in Hiei's cold, dark, crimson eyes.

_You have a wish, Hiei. You also hold on to hope. It's Christmas. If you didn't want to celebrate, you wouldn't be here right now. Go ahead and wish upon a Christmas star._

A rare smile graced Hiei's emotionless features. He _did _want to be happy. He _did_ want to feel peace. He _did _want to live and feel again. His gaze drifted toward the dark heavens above him and he spotted a star that stood out from the rest. A star that shone with brilliance unlike any other.

_-flashback-_

_"AHHHHHHH!" The helpless men cried out with pain as their wounds gushed blood onto the ground while their faces turned into grotesque images for the pain was so unbearable. They tried to speak, tried to beg for mercy, tried to apologize but to no avail. They reached out hoping to grab their killer's cloak, begging for salvation but it was of no avail. Their corpses fell to the ground cold and lifeless._

_Hiei smirked with satisfaction as he watched the beings before him die. He laughed at their foolish attempts of begging for mercy. He looked at his reflection on his bloodstained sword and laughed cruelly. It seemed that letting his gem hang in front of him was an excellent way to snag petty thieves and take their life from them._

_After all, hadn't his own people left him for dead right after he was born? Wasn't it right to take out pain, anger and frustration by making others miserable?_

_Hiei turned and walked away shaking his head at the foolishness of people. He determined that when he got stronger, he would get one of those famous Jagan eyes from the surgeon, Shigure. He would find his sister and his mother._

_After all, those were the only people he cared for or wanted. Maybe if he was with them, he would be happy and content._

_-end flashback-_

Hiei continued to stare at the stars. It was true after all. He had wished, wanted, longed for happiness. Should he take the chance? Should he make a wish?

_Go on, son. Be happy._

Hiei sucked in a deep breath then clenched his fists in rejection. But... what if their was hope for him? What if he made a conscious effort to be better and to forget his past and not hang onto it like he did and use it as an excuse to not do things? What if he listened to what he thought was his mother's voice?

"I wish... I wish... I want to start again... I want to start content."

He exhaled slowing unawares he had been holding his breath.

Whispers of warm air blew around him once more comforting him. Hiei turned his gaze into where the air was coming from. He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him, but he wanted what he saw to be real.

There, floating before him in the night sky stood the beautiful image of his smiling mother, Hina. She was there, a sparkle in her eyes, hair flowing in wisps around her shoulders, snow falling all around her. She was the picture of perfection. It was no wonder where Yukina received the innocent look. Hiei fell to his hands and knees, ashamed of himself. Faltering slightly, he raised his head to look at the image before him with amazement written on his features. Hina knelt in front of him and lovingly tilted Hiei's head up toward her and kissed him on his forehead.

_Thank you, Hiei. Merry Christmas, son._

And she was gone.

Hiei stood, picking his sword up and holding it at his side as he did. He began his walk away forever staring at the snowy space of air where his mother had been. But then he paused and turned looking back at his mother's gravestone.

Hiei smiled.

"Merry Christmas, mother."

He turned back away and walked away different then when he came. He came wanting to give to his mother but instead received more than he could have ever hoped for. The warm air that had mysteriously surrounded him remained with him.

He was content. He was happy. And for once, believed that all was right that snowy, wintry night.

And as he walked, the single star's brightness shone on his back, illuminating his way.

_Sleep in heavenly peace_

_

* * *

_AN: So... did you like the mother-son-ness? I sure did. So if you liked it, please review and Merry Christmas to all! 


End file.
